Drea

What is good. . .

2006-02-01T12:25:00.000-08:00

Lots of things. Sometimes it is hard to focus on these things, when one shitty thing happens it seems to invade any ounce of happiness and kill it. I have a great roomie, she is respectful, fun and clean ;D I have a wonderful boyfriend - and he's hot ;D I will get a job. My fears are unfounded - I need to constantly be reminded of that.

Quote from Nixon

2006-01-22T14:37:00.000-08:00

"The greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you've been in the depest valley can you ever know how magnificant it is to be on the highest mountain."
Richard Nixon

Birthdays, Winter, Unhappy.

2006-01-22T14:24:00.000-08:00

Last year was quite possibly the worst birthday of my life. I don't really want to explain, but it included getting supremely ditched by my bestfriend and entering the largest fight of our relationship. It seems like for the past two years this has been the most unhappy time of my life. The winter doesn't breed optimism. I tend to analyze different areas of my life trying to find out what is broken. The truth is, no matter what I am doing, or most of the time who I am with, I tend to be unhappy. Last night I had a great evening of going to a comedy show and then getting food and drinks at a pub, any normal person would have enjoyed it. I was unhappy. I don't have desire or passion for any area of my life. This is extremely unusual. I am a very passionate person. Perhaps I am exhausted. Any of the things I would normally care about I don't. I don't care about TWUSA, family, friends, getting a good job, applying for Law School, doing good in school. My goals are irrelevant, I have no motivation. Classic life, eh? It seems like life is always shitty, it pretends to be good for periods, but in the end it is always fucked up. Are happy people fake? Or have they found something that I haven't?
This is my last year in university, perhaps some goals will help me finish well,
I will finish TWUSA this year.
I will do my job to the best of my abilities no matter how much I hate it.
This is important to me because I need to do what I say I am going to do, I have decided to be here for this time; I need to accept my situation.
I will do all my work in my classes.
My classes are boring, but the momentum that I gain from doing well in school will transfer into my summer. It is important to me that I have a good summer, because my summer will transfer into the fall, and then it'll affect my life goals. I want to do well because it makes me feel good about myself, which in turn makes me happy.
These goals are specific, measurable, attainable, and realistic. The biggest obstacle to these goals is my inability to ACCEPT MY SITUATION. I will constantly remind myself to accept my situation.
Hopefully this helps me cope with the forever unpleasant journey we call life.

She was a whore; He loved her as a whore

2005-11-22T14:26:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I break under this image that I feel like I need to attain. When we 'get saved' we become a 'new person,' right? The old has passed away, all has become new? Christian dualism. . . things of the body, or sensual, are usually sins. . .stay away. . . stay away from people and areas where sin might jump from them and cling on to me. . .makes sense? I am amazed by how naive I was for so long. Maybe I needed to be . . .maybe I didn't. . .the point is: I was. It wasn't until I was confronted with the real Andrea, as opposed to the ideal Andrea, that this dualism broke down in my life. My self-righteousness murdered me from the inside and was starting to show signs on the outside, horrible signs. This passage was helpful for me, I can identify with this woman. . .

Jesus, teaching in the temple, fights for the unloved and used woman.
“Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst, they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. “Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?” This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear. So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last.
And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her “Woman, where are those accusers of yours” Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” Then Jesus spoke to them again saying, “I am the light of the world He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”

I am quite certain that she probably did this act again, even after this time. God, being God, probably knew that she would do this act again. Yet, he fought for her. He stood up against the test of the Pharisees and fought for the woman. Did he agree with what she did? No. Did he view her as equal to the other guys? Not necessarily.
Did he love her for who she was? Yes.
It doesn’t matter if she measures up to the Pharisees, she obviously would not have thought she did; the Pharisees are famous for looking perfect.
I wonder how she felt.
Her heart must have been pounding, her adrenaline shooting through her being as thoughts of her life and family run through her head, “Will these guys kill me?” “Why did I fuck him?!” “If only my decision, or circumstances had been just slightly different!” She probably had children, she had a mother, a father, a life. All this would be gone; people she loves would be crushed by her loss of life. Her natural feelings of unworthiness were being compounded by her current state of being crushed and condemned by the people around her. She was dragged by the ‘perfect’ ones to the temple! Jesus, teaching in the temple, in the holy place, gets to see her at her worst. Her absolute worst, she was just having illicit sex and she knows her life is up for chance, more than chance, she probably expected to die. At this incredibly vulnerable time, Jesus fights for her. The holy of holies, fights for her. The truly perfect one fights for her. Why? She did not deserve it, she obviously sucked, she screwed up, she knew that, He knew that, ‘they’ knew that. Her lustful pleasures got the best of her. Now her life was spared, she was loved. She was loved in the darkest place of her life. This was a hidden part of her life, but probably spawned out of life issues. Maybe her father was abusive or negligent? Maybe her mom was a bitch? Maybe her husband beat her? Maybe her kids hated her?
This action was probably not one done independent of life factors.
She was hurting and scared for her life. She maybe did not know, or admit that she was hurting, but she was, or she wouldn’t have done the act. She was seeking to be loved, in the wrong way, but to be loved nonetheless. Does this mean that Jesus showing her love solved or completed her heart forever?
No, He definitely did not.
But what it does mean is that He married her. He, like Hosea, married her, admitting that she would cheat on Him, and continue to be the sinner that He married, but he loved and fought for her.
Where is the hope? She would not be promised perfection, He called her to something more, Hosea called his wife to something more by the very act of marrying her, hoping that she would honor that commitment, but both Jesus and Hosea knew they would be wronged.
Yet, knowing they would be cheated on, they loved and fought.
Hosea had kids by her, he trusted Gomer to be the mother of his children that is complete love and trust. She was a whore; he loved her as a whore.

Just Another Brick In The Wall

2005-11-12T22:00:00.000-08:00

I feel like I am constantly pounding on a brick wall. The wall is tall, but not un-climbable, wide, but not encircling. Conversations, relations, nobody cares, nobody notices. I chisel, hammer, pound, pull and FINALLY an opening. A hand reaches in from over there, from this reality I have yet to fully know. The hand covers itself with rock until another brick has filled the opening. What is the fucking point? I work so hard for that one stone, over and over again. Perhaps I am the one filling in the hole?

Ever think about how you'll die?

2005-10-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

Sounds morbid, I know. But seriously, we are all going to die; ever think about how the inevitable will occur? I do. This always leads my thinking into eternity, what does that look like? Nobody knows. What is the point of this life? Worship God, live out the Kingdom of God on earth? Living out the kingdom is the most acceptable for me. It is the most acceptable because it allows for human-ness. Worship has a stigma attached to it, it's almost like you need to be perfect to worship, or only 'holy Christians' worship. I cannot accept the idea that God hates our human-ness, that He hates to watch us struggle and try to learn new things. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that God delights in suffering, but the ultimate expression of God's love was found in the ultimate suffering: watching His son die for an unjust reason. I think that God understands a greater purpose to our struggles and because of this He delights in the struggles. Why did He create us? I know the 'good' answer is that He longed for a relationship with us. But if God is perfect He certainly isn't lonely, and if He isn't lonely than why would He have created us to be in relation to Him? The other 'good' answer is that God created us to worship Him. Again, if God is perfect He would not be insecure and not need to be worshiped. The answer is obvious. It is the same conclusion I always come to when I struggle with thinking through my faith, or thinking through my existence, if the two are separable.

Thankful

2005-09-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

Last summer I learned something. I learned something that has changed the way I look at life. It changed my paradigm. I remember the instance where it began. I was walking on a side walk somewhere in Powell River, I do not remember where. I was looking at the curb and thinking about how I had the chance to walk and be. I had just flown home from Toronto for a funeral. This is still hard more than a year later. It was my step brother's and close friend's funeral. That whole week I had been thinking about how unfair it was that I got to live and be and he did not get to anymore. Marcus had been denied his 'right to life.' So quickly it changed for him. So guickly it can change for me. I need to accept my mortality and embrace this life I find myself in. Now every single time I pray I truly thank God for the chance to be alive, the ability to live and be, to love my friends, to hate my questions and strugglings with God, to hate my stuffed up nose, to be excited to go to the monastry today, to tell you this story. I am so thankful to be alive.

Depressing

2005-09-29T00:19:00.000-07:00

Do you know what is depressing: Christian music. Earlier tonight some songs played from my computer. Shocker, I know. The point is that these songs were by Chris Tomlin. Why is that Christianity, at least conservative Christianity makes me feel like I need to do something to rectify my life. It makes me feel like I need to change things in my life in order to fit into this Christian mould for the sake of eternity. What the fuck does eternity look like? You don't know. Conservative Christians do not know. I surely have no idea. Shortly after listening to this, in fact the song after, I changed it to Snoop Dogg, Lodi Dodi, because it stopped my 'thinking.' Why is it that I feel like I need to constantly choose to be unhappy in order to be a 'good christian.' I do not buy into the conservative Christian culture, I do not want to be a part of anything that is associated with conservative Christians, yet I cannot escape the guilt that encompasses that culture. I cannot subscribe to a conservative Christian church, I cannot belong to one, I cannot tithe there, I do not support it. Where does that leave me? I am not Catholic, nor do I necessarily want to become one. I am not Orthodox, although they are the most appealing right now. Perhaps I will begin to recite the creeds, I can accept this: (or at least most of all of it)
The Nicene Creed
We believe in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is, seen and unseen.
We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made, of one Being with the Father.
Through him all things were made.
For us and for our salvation
he came down from heaven:
by the power of the Holy Spirit
he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,
and was made man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified.
He has spoken through the Prophets.
We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. Amen.

pain in my heart

2005-08-24T23:20:00.000-07:00

I deserve to see God in my life. If He died for me, then I deserve it. So often I think that I deserve shit becuase I am shit. But He does not see me like that. For so long unfavoured circumstances have encircled my life, when good things happen I expect it to turn sour. I am comfortable with that. I have learned to survive in it.
But I dont think God is going to respond to me in the ways that we have framed Him too. I dont' that that our view of the good "Christian" is correct at all. Take Christian paraphenalia for example, when did Jesus wave a flag saying, "look at me I am a Christian, does that make you want to be one???" Is this why we put a Jesus fish on our car? It's not like anyone is going to flag you down and ask for help if they need it simply because you are a 'Christian,' would we even want them to? Instead Jesus lived it. Why the fuck is their a multimillion Christian highschool in Langley when there are people right next door with no food. How the fuck is that Christian? What does that show people? For sure I understand that culture consumes and we get caught up in where we are, but I just don't think that cuts it. We complain that Christianity doesn't grow in our culture, I would ask where are the Christians? You don't see them because they are few and they don't shine all glossy like and do all the 'right things' suddenly not smoking, swearing, gambling, dancing, drinking makes you better than selling all your belongings and giving the money to the poor would? Where the fuck have we gone wrong?
I guess really what I am trying to say is that we have framed God in a way that is unhealthy. A way that causes the thinking Christian to become disillusioned and depressed. I think God is different than the typical Evangelical Christian has pictured. I wish we could live that. I don't know what it'll look like but I need to live that.

How will I sustain my positive mental outlook?

2005-08-16T18:56:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess the first question is how did i get this positive outlook, generally i was pretty neg last year. I think I got it by relying on God for it. Asking for positive things, realising that when I surrender it has worked out well in the past, thus it probably will in the future as well. Things like over and over again, whenever I am frustrated, asking for help. I do it so much in the summer because I am soo frustrated, often, but I forget when I am home.
He loves me, always will. He loves me, always will. He loves me, always will.
No longer will I be the product of my thoughts, but I will produce the thoughts that will make me the product I want to be. I am what I think about all day long.
So what am I? What do I think about?
The biggest thing is that I need to be concious of these things. I have an awesome year ahead of me, but no matter what happens it will not be my circumstances that dictate how I feel. I will choose how I feel regardless of my circumstances, and my goal and focus for the year:
Enjoy the Process
Laugh at problems, solve them. Cry when I am frustrated, move on. Seek God, expect that He is here and that is why it will work out. I deserve more, I have given up and give up a lot for where I am and I deserve to enjoy it and succeed at it.

Martin-address to the Nation??!

2005-04-21T00:43:00.000-07:00

I think this historical event will happen at 7:45 pm eastern time, friday
the last time was in 95 with the Quebec issue
watch it - doit

The Rut of Non-Postage

2005-04-18T03:17:00.000-07:00

I don't mean the saddness of not getting mail, although I do hate bills. What I mean is that it becomes extremely difficult to find motivation to post when you haven't posted for a while. I get into this complex where I think I need to post something intelligent, that simply is not the case.
I am going to post about random crap, why, well my life is primarily composed of random crap. Actually, scrap initial idea, I am going to post on the idea of finding confidence in flirting.
Flirting is an interesting game, it makes a girl feel like she has worth, if she can seduce then she has 'it' - whatever 'it' is. What I am realising is that this game is fine if random make outs are your goal, (not that I encouter those--is that bad or good?) but if you would like a relationship, (and possibly any self esteem) this strategy needs to exit. It is really about connection. What the crap is connection? Well, I am not sure exactly what it is. I am sure that it exists. I think the 'flirty' girls prevent themselves from having a connection with anyone, sorta on purpose. If you don' t really look guys in the eyes, you can avoid this kind of personal realization from happening in the convo. However, if you do allow for this personal realization to happen then you may just connect, or you may not depending on the people. The important thing is that at this point worth isn't found on seducing, but solely on your personal realization and thereby on your person.

I didn't see the point of hiding a bushel under a carpet. . .

2005-04-06T00:11:00.000-07:00

This quote came from a spice girl. Funny story about spice girls. One day, it was grade seven. I had just left class and was walking towards my locker at OceanView. Beside me was Kyle Wilson. Darn Kyle Wilson was considered soooo cute. I adored him. I hung out with him, I knew his mom ;) He was cutish but kinda cool. Kyle pulled out this random magazine picture of this group of girls he called "the spice girls," pointed to the blonde one and said, "Andrea you look like this girl." At the time I was briefly complimented because she was thin and pretty but thougth nothing of it. He said that it was her nose and eyes that reminded him of me. Well, as time went on I never dated Kyle Wilson, but I adored him till I got involved in other things. . .grade 8ish, so for about a year. But I remember going through the years and whenever I would see the spice girls (my family is British so they assume my sister and I love anything that is British and buy us millions of souvenirs, so I was definitely reminded regularly) I would think of this random memory.

Libertarianism...possible flaws?

2005-04-01T16:07:00.000-08:00

Two ideas that are central to libertarianism:
Individuals own their own lives. They, thereofre, have the right to act as they chosse unless their actions interfere witht eh liberty of others to act as they choose.
The only apprroporiate function of government is to protect human rights, understood as negative rights (noninterference)
There are some basic idea that are quite easy to agree with:
No one is anyone else's amster, and no one is anyone else's slave, Other men's lives are not yours to dispose of, No human being should be a nonvoluntary mortage on the life of another.
Things, that are a bit uneasy to agree with:
No laws against drugs, except the prohibition of sale of drugs to minors, as long as the taking of these drugs poses no threat to anyone else.
I have a large amount of doubt that social problems would be cured by this philosophy. But. ...
"'But then you'd let people go hungry!' comes the rejoinder. This, the libertarian insists, is precisely what would not happen; with the restriction s removed, the economy would flourish as never before. With the controls taken off business, existing enterprises would expand and new ones would spring into existence satisfying more and more consumer needs; millions more people would be gainfully employed instead of subsisting on welfare, and all kinds of research and production, released from the stranglehold of government, would proliferate, fulfillind man's needs and desires as never before. It has always been so whenver government has permitted men to be free traders on a free market. But why this is so, and how the free market is the best solution to all problems relating to the material aspect of man's life, is another and far longer story. . . .
I don't know that I can accept economic determinsm of any kind. . . ?

I think i have made some decisions. ..

2005-03-23T00:22:00.000-08:00

Man, is this regular. I feel the need to plan and decide and frick. Well, this is how I think it'll look, (bear in mind reader, this may change as early as tomorrow)
-Sell Books this summer
-TWU/LSAT/Apply to Law Schools (UBC/Carleton/I don't know where else yet)/Exec VP
-Graduate! (maybe)
-Rest for the summer (if I get into law school, if not uhh, sell books?, get a real job?, apply to LLC? - ya, well I am leaving my options semi open.
-law school
-ya? . . . .from here on out, I have no idea. I would love to work for a justice commission of some sort. Basically I would love to write and research public policy for the rest of my life.
-I would also like to do HR in a business. . .Andrea agreeing with business? confused commi!
Really, this plan I am unsure about. You know how sometimes you plan something and you know for sure that you have made the right decision. Well, maybe the fact that I haven't made any real decisions has a role. ..nevertheless, I think that this may indeed not be the way my life turns out. Maybe I'll die, it's possible. Maybe I'll be impregnated by God? (not as likely as dying)
I think I thought that I would be decided and focused at this time of my life. I feel like I have lost focus over the last three years, not gained it. The one thing is that I know I love God, politics and people. I love teaching people how and why they should hit their goals, I love being diplomatic and seeing results, I love the results of approaching people I don't know, stepping out of my comfort zone constantly, I love God and the justice He embodies. Sometimes I sit and wonder how He is so just. So often I doubt life, I think that things that happen are wrong, but I never doubt how God treats or has treated people. I am constantly amazed by what I learn. I wish that I would actually learn it though. Sometimes I admit it, but I don't think I ever understand it. I guess that is the human condition, I wish I could embody the principles I believe in, or maybe I don't believe in them, not all of them, but the ones I admit to, I wish I could do those things (more than 5% of the time)

Graduation.. ?

2005-03-16T21:12:00.000-08:00

Shouldn't I be smart know? Just kidding ;) Wow, I never thought I would actually graduate, now the time is approaching quickly. There is a year left, but seriously, 34 sem hrs left and only two classes in my major ~creepy. I should get a minor.
I guess I thought by this point in my life I would have it all together. You know, all together. Actually I am completely unsure what I mean by that, but I'll let each of you interpret it as you may.
Seriously though, I think I am worse off than when I first began. I am more aware of all my faults, whereas before I was ignorant to them. This must be the path of life: constantly growing in awareness of your faults.
I really have no idea what my life will look like. However, I kinda like this stage. I get to imagine. I could do anything, there is nothing tying me down. Heck, I could (and have talked about) move to the Phillipines, or to France. I could work at some clothing store, I could move back to Powell River, I could do pretty much do anything that solely involved me. But that is the key. I don't want to move far away from family and friends. I don't want to do random crap, well I kinda do, but moreso I want to graduate, work for a bit, then go to law school, then get established in some community and practice law, somewhere, somehow. Eventually I want to end up in politics. The important thing is that I don't want to be there now. I like dreaming and thinking about it too much. Graduation you will not have me yet.

Good Expeirence All Around

2005-03-15T16:57:00.000-08:00

Today I brought my academic advising proposal to Undergraduate Academic Council. It was very encouraging to hear their thoughts, respect and most of all their support. Dr.Wood commented that both of my ideas are supported and they will be implemented in the next year and a half, the details will be worked out by his office, of course. But also, a few deans pulled me aside to tell me that they think my voice is one that needs to be put in an influential spot on campus and that I understand and appreciate different aspects of campus politics really well. People are talking and I am the subject and it's good gossip.
This is especially encouraging because I don't think that TWUSA or Mar's Hill views what I do as important, so if Administration and Faculty do, that is exciting. You know, as I grow with and into this institution I wonder if I would ever seek to be employed in a later time, by this administration. Perhaps my passion will wear thin eventually and this is infatuation solely a stage, but for now, I'll enjoy the moment.

Single, Young, Female Pastor???

2005-03-13T22:05:00.000-08:00

That's right, count on Andrea to bring in someone controversial for Faith at Work week! Come out to chapel this mon, tue and Wed!!
Seriously, this woman speaks from the heart of God and I was so excited when I found out she was the senior pastor of our church because it gave me an excuse to bring her to TWU.
Come on out, she will be discussing what God wants to do with your life?!
She is also speaking/doing workshops in Fraser Lounge Wed & Thur @ 1:10pm~Be there or be square

For Andrew. . .

2005-03-09T00:06:00.000-08:00

New party to oppose smoking ban

The party wants smoking to be allowed in Scotland's pubs and bars

A new political party formed to oppose the Scottish Executive's ban on smoking in pubs is to be officially launched.

Health Care from the prespective of Robert Evans

2005-03-06T11:21:00.000-08:00

"Perhaps as important for our national identity, the Canadian approach to health isureance also clearly distinguishes u sfrom teh United States. The fact that we have deeloped such a different system suggests that, despite outwar appearances, we really are a separate people, with different political adn cultural values. even better, our system has worked, and compared to most other systems worked relatively well, while the American alternative has not."
In this article Evans uses federal health expenditures from the 1990's to argue that Americans can't figure out how to manage health care. He argues that they put the most amount of money into the program and get the least out of it. He also presents a biased view against privitization of health insurance. He snidely remarks that when the US was considering reform to its medical system in the early 1990s that the private insurance industry and members of the American Medical Association reacted with "deliberate and extensive 'dis-information' campaigns to misrepresent the characteristics and experience of the Canadian system through selective reporting, diestortions, and outright lies."
oh and this is good, "On average canadians receive almost as much care as Americans, they just pay less for it. . . Canadians at the top end of the income distribution might well be better off in a mroe American-style system-at the expense of the rest of us."
and this, "Evidence is accumulating that the uninsured receive significantly less care for specific conditions (such as heart disease, adn pre- and post-natal care) than teh rest of the population, and that their health outcomes-including survival-are worse as a result."
He also aruges that public hospitials in the US are at a third world level in terms of service and care, and that they would be nowhere accepted in the developed world. But like the previous comment he provides no evidence to support either claim.
Upon first reading this article an 'anti-American' may be tempted to jump the rhetoric bandwagon, but then soon realizes that Evan's best points aren't supported~what the crap Evans?!

I love this time of year. . .

2005-03-06T09:35:00.000-08:00

This is the funnest time of year (thats right i said 'funnest') It is a mixture of sunshine, procrastination, hard work, and well, the damper, sickness. It seems everyone gets a cold around this time of year. I wasn't all that sympathetic, until now. I got sick last night, and now i feel for you all. Kris, you are amazing, you hung out, i just went back to bed.
Anyways, now it is a sunny day ~ a perfect day for trail running. . .i need to get to work so I can go for a run.
Oh, and this is also the time of year where we make plans for next year. Who doesn't like making plans? I hope to live with a couple 5th year ed majors in the good ole' WG, but i am really open to anything, well, almost anything. This set up does sound really great though, so I hope it works out.
Now, this month is solely decidated to well, Southwestern, Papers, TWUSA (mostly next year's) and friends.
I felt like I accomplished my week's goal before spring break and would really like to finish my year like that~ Cheers!

San Jose?!

2005-02-26T20:34:00.000-08:00

Well, we did it. I, myself and I did all the driving! Quite proud. That's right Peter, none of this 'breakin' after just 3 hours ~ just buggin, i will always love you! Alisa had a wonderful idea, an idea that actually got someone to flip us the bird. It's true, the middle finger. She made some signs on white paper with red ink, "CANADA ROCKS!" ""AMERICA ROCKS! Just Kidding! " Oh and the one we never used, "BUSH SUCKS." We breaked in Medford~ I could live in southern Oregon, it's awesome. We are now at Jess's house, she is a nanny down here. The kids she watches: CRAZY. We did get to spend the night at Chuck E. Cheese! That was a long sought after dream of Alisa's ~ now come true. Oh and believe it or not, Alisa climbed the super small, 10 and under, monkey tube gym thingy. Later she reported a stench of wet diapers. Awesome, upwards and onwards, spring break has begun.

I Will Greet This Day With Love In My Heart . .

2005-02-21T11:23:00.000-08:00

Well, as I awoke I had a few choices. I could drudge through this week, being victim to all my fears of failure and frustration, or I can choose to embrace every moment, and make this week, just this week, the best one yet. I have decided to do my absolute best, no matter the results, in studies, TWUSA and SW. This way at the end of the week, going into spring break, I can base my success thus far on my effort, and not on my results as they may or may not be a reflection of the former.

What the Crap?!

2005-02-20T21:13:00.000-08:00

The first one. Very first one, there has been warnings before but never the actual thing. Usually my charming good looks get me out of it. Just kidding, I think they just think I am ignorant so they let it pass, or something. Not this time, burnt out headlight may have initiated the contact. Where? Right outside the house of one of my favourite prof's. F@c*#n awesome! Really it was bound to happen sooner or later, but it still sucks. He said he had seen a lot of accidents lately, maybe he genuinely cared. . . then again isn't it close to the end of the month?

~ a tiny glimpse into my life ~

2005-02-16T23:43:00.000-08:00

I once had an interesting prophecy given to me. I was at a church service, about 400 ppl, and this guy got up at the front, a church leader, and pointed me out by the sweater I was wearing. ( I have some disctinctly ugly sweaters that are easy to point out, even in a room that large) I liked and agreed with part of the prophecy, it was obviously true. However, the other part was something that I forgot for a couple years, until my journal reminded me. It was about having a gift of teaching. I immediately thought of kids, and I don't have the softest spot in my heart for kids, so I discarded the prophecy.
What is my favorite part of my summer job? I sell books door to door eighty hours a week, what the crap could anyone like about that job? However, I do like some of it, or I wouldn't do it, well I probably would. Anyways, my favourite part is going into a family's home and having them completely skeptical, I mean the mom tells me she's not interested at the door, and I walk in and she says, "this better be quick." Then the dad comes into the room and says, "door to door?" to which the mom replies with a nod. Then, as I sit down with her and ask her questions about her expierence with her kids education and the schools, the dad eavesdrops from the kitchen and before I show the books, he joins in. They are frustrated, with something, not enough time, can't remember to help the kids, something. Throughout this process I have built rapport by names and knowledge of the community. Then I demo the books and by the end they are excited and handing me a cheque for anywhere from three hundred to a thousand dollars, they have nothing but a reciept. I love the cycle of selling. I love sitting down and getting to know different families, whether or not they buy the books, they buy something. Sometimes it is a renewed focus on education, sometimes it is a recomendation of where they should send thier kids, other times I simply affirm their abilities as a mother. But I love that process of teaching them who I am, what I am doing and then whatever info they decide to 'buy.'
My other favourite part of the job is training others to do it. Not the technical training, that is mostly boring for me. I love training them emotionally for a step into nowhere. They have no idea whether or not they'll make any money, they don't even know where they are going to live, or how they'll find housing, what province they'll be in, who they'll live with, where they are going to work, you name it they do not know it. Yet, I think of a girl I brought out last summer, she had a goal. She pays for TWU on her own and wanted to do a travel study, this was impossible without some sort of excess money of which she would not be able to get if she went home and worked. The process of emotional and technical training brought her to the point where she was the top first year in her org and is doing a travel study right now.
I also think of people that did not come out and sell books, yet I spent tons of hours training them. This one person in particular overcame a lot of obstacles in his training, he is 26 yr old who had a lot of goals and aspirations, and even a hard worker, but he had never accomplished or finished anything. Throughout our training he learned how to make a schedule and stick to it. How to hit goals, even daily ones. He learned what I take for granted, a little self motivation. Now, his fear kept him from coming out in the summer, but I am still glad that I put probably around 30 hours into training him. Was I frustrated that he did not come out and sell books, definitely, I believed in the guy more than I can explain.
All this to say, I love what my life consists of, sales, selling people on voting for me, selling books, selling people on how to live motivated lives, and selling them on the idea that they have something they could indeed learn from me ~ the most rewarding life possible, I think.

Pluralism vs. Democracy

2005-02-16T00:05:00.000-08:00

Pluralism would make our Canadian constitutional democracy invalid. If every culture was self governing and there was no Charter or constitution to keep it in check, Canada would be a parallel of the United Nations ~ ineffective. At the same time, as a country we make this relatively new claim to be multicultural, yet we tell other cultures that we know what is just and what we view as essential 'human rights.' How does this work? We are like the United Nations saying that they will respect sovereignty, yet they hope to intervene on tyrannical governments. As a nation, we do not want to become as ineffective as the UN, thus we need to stop pretending to be multicultural if we're not. Democracy needs human rights entrenched in a constitution, or at least a liberal democracy does. These rights are impossible in a pluralistic society. Thus, I do not think that democracy is compatible with pluralism. I struggle to decide if we should strive to achieve multiculturalism. Part of me hates democracy, (mostly because of democratization), and the other part of me sees it as the best option thus far. However, perhaps, as a liberal country that takes iniative, we should try this pluralism for grabs; scrap the Charter of Rights and Freedoms ;)

I don't know what to title this

2005-02-15T00:02:00.000-08:00

This has been the most interesting day, well maybe the most interesting Valentine's Day. I had classes, and a strategic and helpful meeting with my advisor. Man that guy is political and has taught me how to work the system like none other! Then, I proceeded to go to some classes. At 7pm Norm and I made a Event Risk Management sheet where a fight between Bruce Lee and Jet lei were our examples (he definitely thought of that example). Then, at our exec mtg. we pretty much scrapped the agenda to discuss something way to controversial to EVER disclose. Then we had a joint exec mtg where my position was an odd one. I am an old exec member teaching the new exec, but yet I am the new exec. How am I supposed to act? What the crap am I supposed to say? It's weird. Then I went to a SW mtg. where we learned how to teach good meetings. I am teaching scheduling tomorrow at our first year mtg ~ I love this topic. I always get made fun of by my collegues for my uber extensive agenda. but i tell ya, it allows me to be where I am at. Now, I am at school finishing an assignment, I did not go home so that I can get this finished but there are people camping out for the Can Am game, and all I can think about is how I have had so much fun blogging, my friend Rach also converted to blogs. I would love to hang out with one person that I have been bloggin with ;) So lets grab coffee!
My Fav part of this day has definitely been the bloggin, but I have been much too tired to properly respond to Andrew's political blogs ~watch out, the best is yet to come.

Valentine's Day is Approaching/What I think about life

2005-02-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

What am I doing tomorrow? well, i have a crap load of meetings, four or five to be exact. I also have classes, homework (due tue) and i need to rewrite the policy manual re: clubs. So really, i have two choices:
1. I pity the fact that i have no date. (of which i am of total fault ~ i have turned down two great guys this semester)
2. I do what I need to do, call my mom, and appreciate the fact that I am alive.

These choices may seem to have no connection and perhaps they don't. However, maybe they do. Sometimes a girl wants to feel adored, but the price of adoration does not equal the cost of a relationship that she doesn't want to be in. What does this show? This shows my priorities. My priority in life is not emotional high, but fulfilling, satisfying life. This means that at times i am unhappy, in fact i cry. But this also means that this process of life is worth something. Not only what it will give in the future in terms of relationships, but by choosing what is good, as i learned in church today, i am satisfying the spirit, not the flesh. Socrates would have called this using my reason to control my stomach. The fact is, I love God, I love life, I hate the process of being a Christian, it is hard, very. I hate that in life people die, people screw you over, rejection is inevitable and in fact likely for me. But i think of how i felt when my good friend died this summer. i remember struggling so immensly with the idea that i could walk on the street, that i could see the sky, and Marcus couldn't. It was at that point that I chose to be thankful for every moment that I could live. I am thankful that I get to fight with God, fight with life, fight with myself, even if I do not win. So this Valentine's Day I will not mourn in the fact that I have no date to feel adored by, or to feel emotionally satisfied by. Instead I will be where I am at. I will be at every meeting; fully.

what i think about art

2005-02-10T19:42:00.000-08:00

this is my blog, so i am going to say what i want, if it makes you mad, post a comment.
I think artists are, or can be, shallow and narrow minded. Art has more than one medium, painting, photographing, singing, and drawing are not the only forms of art. It makes me mad that art has to come from this organic type of person and if you don't fit that mold, people cannot and never will see anything you do as a type of art. Furthermore, all artists get angry if they are slightly labeled into a box and yet it seems that most of the, no all of the 'artists' i have met, including clubs i have worked with, put everyone else, or business like people into boxes of not being artists. I know a business major that minors in art. I think art is an expression of a picture in a soul. So, for me, dancing alone in a coffee shop to some random singer, that's art. Explosively writing a long bible verse on a napkin, in sheer, focused enjoyment, that's art.

Sucked In~This is me

2005-02-10T01:18:00.000-08:00

Wow, it happened. I am posting my very own blog. It was the campaign that sucked me in. I had to become like the student, relate to them, if you will. Communicate on their level, so to speak. Look them in the eyes, as it were. Now I feel this desire to speak, well, communicate online and possibly have responses.
This blog will not live the short life that my 'mytwu' page did. That was a result of peer pressure, this page is born out of naked desire.
If you read anything on this page, keep this in mind. This is me, not me pretending to be you. You being anything that I am not. If you happen to have similar qualities as me, I appologize for lying, in advance. Also, this means that I am not going to pretend I know anything about art, or that I care anymore than I do. How much do I care about art? Title for a blog. It won't have music, or basketball stats. Cheers!